This is a story of the quest. The quest for a song. Nowadays it sounds weird, because everything is so easy to find with the Internet. But, twelve years ago it was a different era. It will be even more weird to realize that this particular track became a worldwide phenomenon.

It all started in the year 2000, when I caught a glimpse of a refrain, performed by amazing vocalist, which ended with the shout "I am free". I was stunned completely. When I found out the name of the track and the artist, I began my search in many cd shops in Belgrade. No luck. That track was still underground and very hard to find at that moment, especially because of the fact that electronic music wasn't represented that much in the stores in Serbia. That amazing music was in my head all the time. I used to wake up in the middle of the night hearing Sarah's beautiful voice singing about sinking in the white wave. Like somebody put a spell on me.

One day I picked the movie from a local video store. It was Brokedown Palace by Jonathan Kaplan. I sat down and pushed play button. Classical way to begin with, black screen with some text. Out of nowhere, familiar voice begins "give me release, witness me...". I couldn't believe it. You can imagine my reaction, as I watched the film many hours later, playing the first scene over and over again.

I never felt that sort of obsession for a song again. And after so many years, I still think it's probably the best track in the history of electronic music. From the Enigma style original to countless versions, remixes and covers.  

There are many different opinions about the lyrics of this song and what do they mean. Like all great poems, it is good when you have the audience who will try to get their own impressions. For me, this is a song about the girl who is searching for a release of the pain that she feels. The pain is deep inside her and is haunting her. She is singing about a person who is in the heaven, while she is very angry and she feels in some way responsible for the loss of her loved one. The chorus at the beginning of the original version is called "Gloria in Excelsis Deo", also known as Angelic Hymn. That gives another argument that the person in the song has left this world and moved to heaven.

The second verse can be seen as a description of the reason why the person passed away. The words used in this verse are very close to the state of cancer (possessing... hungry still for more).  She feels like she is holding everything inside and she can't take it anymore. While you listen to the song, you can actually understand her pain and sense the gradation while reaching the refrain.

Many people tried to get into the lyrics of the song and most of them got confused about the refrain itself. What is the white wave? Of course, you can see it as a wave in the ocean, but it looks too obvious: she is drowning in the sea and she is getting close to see her loved one. When you look at the video for this song, the person is jumping from a cliff chained to another person, together diving into the ocean. The ocean is often associated with the silence.

My point of view is a bit different. To explain it, I would need a little help from science. The white noise is a combination of all frequencies of sound spectrum, in a way that it drowns all the other sound. For example, in medicine the white noise is often used to resolve problems with sleep. This phenomenon of white noise is often called absolute silence, where there is nothing else you can hear. If you try to talk, nothing will come out of your mouth, because the machine can catch the frequency of your voice and annul it. 

If you look from that point of view, the person in this song found a relief. She didn't find the substitute for her loved one, but she did found a way to heal her wounds. When I wrote this text, I had to stop and rethink: how can she heal and where can she find inner peace? I thought a lot, but it was right in front of me. Just hear the original version of this song. It starts with the Angelic Hymn, the religious chorus. Silence is behind the walls of the monastery...    


Delerium feat. Sarah McLachlan - Silence

Written by: Bill Leeb, Rhys Fulber, Sarah McLachlan

Lyrics:
Give me release, witness me
I am outside, give me peace
Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe
That I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides

Passion chokes the flower, till she cries no more
Possessing all the beauty, hungry still for more
Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe
That I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides

I can't help this longing, comfort me
I can't hold it all in, if you won't let me
Heaven holds a sense of wonder, and I wanted to believe
That I'd get caught up when the rage in me subsides

In this white wave I am sinking, in this silence
In this white wave, In this silence I believe
I have seen you in this white wave, you were silent
You were breathing, in this white wave I am free

I am free...

I really dig ski jumping. It is a sport where skills and technique meets the great courage. You have to make a decision in a split second, whether you will land or try to fly for few meters more. If you fail in that decision you will fall. This is a sport in which science has a major role: the mass of the flying object, timing, wind, speed, air positioning, etc. The world record has changed numerous times and at this moment is 246,5m. Amazing!      

What is very strange is the fact that there are more competitors with the variation of my name than in any other sport. This is the list of some of the competitors in the last 10 years, many are still active:

Anders Bardal (NOR)
Andreas Kofler (AUT)     
Andreas Wank (GER)
Anders Fannemel (NOR)
Andrea Morassi (ITA)
Andreas Stjernen (NOR)
Anders Jacobsen (NOR)
Andreas Kuettel (SUI)
Anders Jacobsen (USA)
Andreas Aren (SWE)
Andreas Vilberg (NOR)
Andreas Widhoelzl (AUT)
Andreas Goldberger (AUT)

They are good because of their name, no doubt about it. :)